Are Your Friends a Tonic or Toxic?

You’d like to think that as a responsible adult and parent you’d have sussed out your own friendship groups by now, wouldn’t you? Are your friends the ones you’d have an ‘ice and a slice’ and a sparkle with or do they bring you down in a big way?

Come on and do this little activity.

It’s going to take a minute or two. Now close your eyes.

Think about and visualise the friends you have. Think about each one, how you feel before you meet them, when you are with them and after you’ve left them. You may have some friends who are a real strain to be with or some who are absolutely fantastic.

Keep those feelings and read on. Do these situations ring a few bells?

Perhaps one friend is fantastic to be with, has a really infectious, lively attitude but doesn’t have a sense of time. Even all the outrageousness, liveliness and wonderful conversations you’ve had couldn’t compare with the number of times you’ve been left waiting at pre arranged lunch dates, or the cinema. You’d thought on those occasions they’d been run over by a bus or involved in an accident! You felt taken for granted and unappreciated as the relationship appeared to be very one sided to say the least.

Another friend is lovely to be with, is really chatty and forthcoming about who’s doing what and so on. The trouble is the stories she’s telling are usually always nasty gossip about other people and you feel uncomfortable around her or the group when this is happening.

You don’t see a huge amount of this next friend and after seeing and being with her or him for a short while you realise how down and negative you feel. This friend appears to have sucked out your life energy. You feel it’s an uphill battle to talk with this friend about anything positive. She’s/he’s always so negative about the majority of things. It’s so draining.

These types of friends can destroy your confidence, erode your dignity and elevate your stress levels.

If you have friends similar to the ones outlined, what can you do?

You don’t have to clutter your life with relationships that threaten your self worth and confidence. You do have a choice. You can continue as it is or you can set firm boundaries on what you will accept and stand firm on those. Clear respectful communication is a good thing and it’s not always easy. Sometimes if the friendship is so destructive you might feel you have to limit contact or even walk away to survive.

On the other hand……………..you will also have friends who positively light up your life in so many different ways and they bring huge amounts into the relationship. When you are with them, time literally does seem to fly by and before you know it the time with them is over and you both comment, “Where did the time go to?”

These are your friends to be treasured. You can feel relaxed in their company, have fun, have unconditional support (lots of hugs) and above all you can be yourself. These friendships resonate with laughter, harmony and balance. You can consciously choose the friends you feel relaxed with. These friendships are worth maintaining. They add sweetness to your life and are a real tonic for you.

What do you think?

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